I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!!

Have you ever thought about the power of human interaction?

I'm thinking specifically romantic love between two individuals. An emotional connection creates a physical feeling. An abstract word, "love", consists of such powerful human emotions, desires, longings. And to think that all of these feelings, whether physically or emotionally felt, are all physiological in nature as well.

Being in love with a person can make a woman come alive and be free, can draw out the inner strength and power of a man. This love can draw out the power in a woman and can bring out the sensitivities in a man. Simple, yet complex feelings which we cannot control end up controlling us. Chemical reactions created by a feeling, a glance, a conversation have so much power.

But how? We don't really choose who we fall in love with. We generally cannot choose who we are attracted to, try as we might. So how strange is it to think that these random connections with people can bring so much meaning to a life?

I read "The Bridges of Madison County" and was left with an awe of human interaction. I was also left with a fear. A fear that my dreams will be washed away by time. That I will end up in a passionless marriage where I stay for the kids and because of the commitment that I made. That I will have sacrificed my dreams for a meager existance.

I am hesitant to hope for too much because I don't want to be disappointed in the end. But I know that without any hope, my life will take a turn for the worse... Perhaps I can not only find significance, freedom, power, and love in a romantic relationship somewhere down the road, but also in my relationships now with people.

Reflections

I spent a large chunk of time this morning looking back on old Facebook statuses and blog posts. While I remember where I have been, I had forgotten all that I had thought about where I was. I was floundering and seeking direction. I was waiting for the next best thing instead of finding contentment where I was.

And then I looked at my statuses from this past semester and I saw a huge change. I have found true joy in my relationships. I have found a level of peace. I have stopped wanting the future so much.

One of my old blog posts from right before I went to Chicago anticipated that Chicago would be my chance to fly, to become ME! And looking back, it was.

I love me.
I crave adventures.
I love to smile and to laugh and to enjoy people.
I want to try new foods and new wines.

I have found life.

I have been trying to focus on the daily instead of the future. In that, I have been trying to be content with today.

It's been working.

And I'm not sure I've ever been more pleased with the way my life is headed.