I've learned that in the working world the excuse "I'm too busy to date" is a perfectly acceptable excuse. I don't have to explain myself as to why I don't have a boyfriend because they understand that I am only 21 years old and am about to start a career. After all, the average age to marry for women is now 26.

Why then, do I feel a pressure from the Christian community to find my soul mate so quickly? Why do I feel like I'm behind the curve if I don't graduate with a ring?

I heard once that the divorce rate among Cornerstone students is HIGHER than the national average...I would rather stay single if divorce is a high probability...

I'm just a girl trying to find her place in this world

Well as most of you know, I'm going to spend the fall semester in Chicago. I'm so excited, but the money aspect is putting a damper on the situation. At the beginning of the summer I had a goal in mind and I went off searching for a second job. No second job came about and I'm going to fall short of my goal unless I get money from sources outside of my job. That's ok though because I think the gap is "fun" money, not rent money.

Anyway, this summer has been a journey of trusting God and I wanted to share.

First, there's the issue of my current job, Tuesday Morning. I worked there last summer and over breaks and I came back for this summer. It's just a minimum wage job but I like it. I was informed in the middle of May that corporate was planning to close us down by the end of July, unless by some miracle, the rent was decreased. Blah. I panicked! We had a huge clearance sale in June, made a TON of money and corporate decided to keep us open until the end of January. In addition, because we were "closing", my manager moved to a different store and I got promoted and I got a raise!

God 2: Jennifer 0

Then comes the issue of a finding a second job. Battle Creek is not hiring. They have been pretty hit by the economy problems and there are just no extra jobs. I put in applications, but I didn't get any calls, until the very end of June, 8 weeks before I have to be in Chicago. Ugh. I had two interviews and I was flabbergasted at God. Why now? Why tempt me with the prospect of a second job when no one is going to hire me for 8 weeks? I didn't get either job, but the point is that I got two interviews...

God 3: Jennifer 0

Then I get my bill from Cornerstone for the fall. At the end of the year I had been given an estimated cost for Chicago Semester from CU. I did the calculations and was planning on getting money BACK from CU. Instead, this bill had me owing $1,000. What??? So I started planning on what loans to get...but two days later I get an email saying that my bill was $1300 too much and it would be credited to my account. Hmm, funny game God's playing huh?

God 4: Jennifer 0

Sometime in June I got a letter from the city telling me that I've been summoned for JURY DUTY!! For the first two weeks of July I had to call in every night to see if I would have to go in the next day. I played in my head a situation where I would go in the first day, get stuck with a trial that lasted until I left and I would make no money. But of course God was just keeping me in suspense and I ended up not getting called in at all...

God 5: Jennifer 0

As you can see this summer has been a crazy one. I'm not one to easily trust God with plans and money, but he obviously wanted to show me that he's in control. Every one of those situations threw me into a panic, only to be resolved in my favor. So, I concede. God has things under control.

So many things are changing. I don't know what to do with it.

I'm a senior in college. When did that happen? The past 3 years have been spent waiting to graduate...waiting to be done with pointless classes. Well, the time is almost done. And yet, I almost don't want to leave because school work is safe. I'm good at school...

I'm going to Chicago in August. I'm going to live without a chaperone! I'm going to be a working woman. I have waited and waited...now it's here. And it's terrifying.

Friendships are changing galore. There's pain in the change and honestly, it sucks. I wish we could all get along, that our actions would match our words. I wish that the future was more clear so I could know what to do.

I want this transition to be over with.

"Before the World Was Made"

:: If I make the lashes dark

and the eyes more bright

and the lips more scarlet,

or ask if all be right

from mirror after mirror

no vanity's displayed:

I'm looking for the face I had

before the world was made ::

(from A Woman Young and Old by Yeats)