Fear

I have lived my whole life in fear, making decisions because I was/am afraid of the outcome. I didn't try out for the play because I was scared I wouldn't make it, I don't do other things because I'm afraid of the consequences. I haven't really allowed myself to make decisions based on the right reasons.

However, last night I found myself thinking about this semester in Chicago and I was in shock! Jennifer Parks hasn't gone somewhere with unknown outcomes. Sure, college was a big step, but there were a lot of people who had survived and could tell me about it. It was a surity. I settled for a college because I was scared and Cornerstone was "good enough".

But here I am getting ready to hop on a train and head to the city where my family roots began. I do not have a roommate, an apartment, an internship, or a full understanding of my class load yet. And I am ready.

I have to take this step for me. For the right reasons. I am not going to run away, or because it's a guaranteed 4.0 (which I'm not sure it is...), or because I have 5 friends who are going (I don't know anyone). I am going because I love Chicago. Because I have wanted to live there for years. Because I want to live life fully and not under the notion that I have to be a "Type X person".

I think this is a step in the right direction for letting myself fly. And I cannot wait.