Unleashing the heart: My journey towards not fighting men

If you have ever been around me when the topic of man's headship/leadership over woman has come up, you know that I have a few things to say about it...mainly things such as "It should be a partnership, not man ruling over woman" and "I do not want to cook for a man every day if that's what he expects of me" etc.

But tonight I figured out why I am so against the idea/proposition that wives need to submit to the husband (submit in the "final word goes to the man" sort of way) or the notion that a man is somehow the leader over the woman.

Let me explain. Tonight I was thinking about what I am going to need in a man should I ever get a boyfriend and one of the key characteristics that I keep coming back to is Strength. Not in a physical sense, although that is always nice, but in a confidence, presence, authority sense.

And then I made the connection. I need someone who will be strong enough in himself so that I can just rest and not have to worry about all the details, or worry about other things. Strong enough as a man, so that I can just be a woman. This is not to say, in any way, that men are better than women, or higher than women, or even emotionally/mentally stronger than women. But we are different. I don't always want to worry about where we are going, or who is going to take care of dinner, or what is going on, but when those things aren't being taken care of, then I feel the need to step up.

I want to feel safe! I want to rest, I want to be confident that I will be taken care of.

(Here's where my heart is freed). My gut reaction to say that I will never let a man have leadership/ultimate authority over me stems from one thing: my fear that I will be taken advantage of. Again. In the past, I dated guys who were weak; who recognized that with a few well-spoken words, they could control me. So I said "never again", only to put up walls that could potentially hurt my future.

Yes, I still believe that marriage is a partnership and that the headship language in the Bible isn't authoritative language. But now I don't have a feeling of animosity against all men. I can release myself to have hope that someday, there will be some man who will truly be a man and who will be strong enough to take care of me without having to manipulate.

Oh, and men? You can do it. You can be strong enough. Even when society tells you that you aren't, many times you already are.